She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i think i just lost a toe
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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