Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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