Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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i think i scared a bird with my dick
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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