She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
