Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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