Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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