How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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