take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
