Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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