I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
