It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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