Small penises have feelings too.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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