sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
