i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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