Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
