You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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