After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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