The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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