What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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