the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
