whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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