Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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