Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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