I faked an abortion last night.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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