He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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