umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
