So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
