everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
