All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
