Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
