I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
did you just send me my own nude
You are the jesus of drinking
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
