it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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