dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
