New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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