I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
