you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
