that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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