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So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
