there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
