You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
