Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
meet me or not, i'm out of control
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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