god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize