chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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