her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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