I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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