Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
