you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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