So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize