she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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