Can i not drive my cunt home
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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