You're so nebulous sometimes
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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