Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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