it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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