were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We have so much sex to catch up on
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
