I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
