Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just crazy horny about you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
