you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
