He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Floor bacon is actually really good
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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