i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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