That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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