Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
