tell your sister to shave her snatch
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
