Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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