i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
