Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
