dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
