someone threw a dead crab at me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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