It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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