sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
