Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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