I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
