You smell like stripper and shame
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize