My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
