she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
