I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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