Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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