Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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