There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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