I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
