I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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