I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
only you would photoshop your dick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
